Rested Heart

On Friday May 10th I gave a khutbah at the M.E.C.C.A mosque in...

Sun, 12 May 2013 21:04:44 -0500

On Friday May 10th I gave a khutbah at the M.E.C.C.A mosque in Willowbrook.

The common refrain of “Islam must be separated from the actions of Muslims” rang hollow for me after the Boston attacks. In this speech I discuss the responsibility of the Muslim community to self assess. In particular, I introduce the concept of “cognitive framing” and how our discourse in Islam must take into consideration how certain narratives can contribute to world views that can lead a young person to be vulnerable to radical messages.

Special thanks to Jalees Rehmen’s The Folly of Perpetual Victimhood and Mohammad Fadel’s Islam: Theory and Practice for providing inspiration for this talk.

"The growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill..."

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 18:47:00 -0500

“The growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.”

- Author George Eliot in his novel Middlemarch, commenting on the the overwhelming majority of “average” people living “average” lives.

"Families rise to the occasion of various difficulties, struggle to love across those divides, and..."

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 18:26:00 -0500

“Families rise to the occasion of various difficulties, struggle to love across those divides, and find in almost any challenge a message of hope and an occasion for growth or wisdom. In some instances schizophrenia and related psychotic disorders may be put into this service. Nonetheless, schizophrenia may be in a class by itself for unrewarding trauma. The rich culture of Deafness, the LPA-centered empowerment of dwarfism, the extreme sweetness of many Down syndrome children, the self-actualization of the autism rights brigade— none of this is really present in the world of schizophrenia, Mad Pride notwithstanding. We may hesitate to cure some problematic illnesses because they are also rich identities, but schizophrenia cries out almost unconditionally for treatment. The remarkable parents I met during this research would be better off, as would their children, if schizophrenia didn’t exist. To me, their suffering seemed unending, and singularly fruitless.”

- Solomon, Andrew (2012-11-13). Far From the Tree (p. 353). Simon & Schuster, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

My response to all the Rick Warren haters who gloated over the suicide of his son with mental illness. Yes as the article says, it does take a “special kind of terrible to be a jerk over a father losing his son”.

In Islam, a person with severe mental illness goes straight to heaven.

That is my prayer for Matthew Warren.

"Every family member of a person with schizophrenia whom I met was scared by these genetic vagaries...."

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 21:57:43 -0500

“Every family member of a person with schizophrenia whom I met was scared by these genetic vagaries. One man told me that his girlfriend had refused to marry him because his schizophrenic brother represented a risk to his future children.”

- Solomon, Andrew (2012-11-13). Far From the Tree (p. 307). Simon & Schuster, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

After reading this passage in the schizophrenia chapter, I couldn’t help but think about what courtship and marriage will be like for my children’s generation. No doubt the science of genetics will continue to advance. Will the norm be when my kids are ready for marriage for couples to go through genetic testing to establish a risk profile for what their future children could potentially be exposed to?

Something about a world like this doesn’t settle right with me. Where would we draw the line on the factors to test? How about the ethical pandora’s box opened when we begin to quantify the “undesirable” outcomes in our genetic makeup? Does my daughter, a cancer survivor, become shut out of marriage because she is “high risk”?

A little over a month ago a friend had related to me his...

Sun, 10 Mar 2013 12:25:04 -0500

A little over a month ago a friend had related to me his experience with dealing with the terminal disease and passing of his daughter. On the day of her funeral, some extolled him to have patience, a fact that to this day frustrates him.

In this talk I use my friend’s story and the story of a family dealing with a child with down syndrome to address the concept of sabr (patience) and differentiate it from the concept of rida (contentment).

But When is the Finish Line?

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 23:02:00 -0600

It has been almost two weeks since I shared the news on the setback with Sereen. Many reached out both online and off to express their heartfelt support and prayers after reading the post. A subset also thanked me for taking the time to write and share, reminding me that the writing creates a vehicle for them to channel this support throughout our journey.

After having gone public with the news though I’ve sensed a certain level of trepidation emanating from people when they see me for the first time. Something about the look in their eyes, the way they say how are you with an awkward pause, that tells me that having described my feelings in that blog post with nothing more than a solitary, emphatic and in hindsight rather over simplistic “devastating” had most likely caused this.

Where I am now from when I was nothing more than devastated has changed. Time always has a funny of way of doing that.

When you get the news, you are in shock, your world turned upside down. The world spinning out of control, literally overnight. But because you are a parent, you have no choice but to channel much of your energy in the immediate need of taking care of your child. You work yourself into a frenzy researching both the disease and the best doctor/hospital to go to. You adjust the daily routine at home - the new medicine, the new diet.

Your running a sprint.

Now I realize what we are actually running is a marathon. The race has started but nobody can tell you how long the marathon is. The experts tell you that the marathon will get progressively harder. They tell you the biggest challenge will be right before the finish line. But they also tell you that once you overcome the dangers of that final challenge, fortunate to make it to the finish line, there is hope.

So you pace yourself as best you can. Rationalize to yourself how you must focus on the moment not the future. Try and suppress that swelling of emotion that happens at least once a day when you look at her in all her four year old innocence.

You have no choice but to run the marathon.

Heaven’s Falling by Amir Sulaiman This song has become...

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 21:29:00 -0600

Heaven’s Falling by Amir Sulaiman

This song has become “the song” for me. I was listening to it a week ago on the treadmill, the first time I had gone to workout since the stay in the hospital with Sereen.

It was a 30 minute workout in all and as it progressed I could sense the foundation of the emotional wall shaking. Then this song played and the wall crumbled.

I’m letting go, because I trust You

I’m letting go, its what I must do

I’m letting go of letting go because I love You

Setback

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 21:32:32 -0600

In late December, we took Sereen in for her 18 month post-chemo checkup at the cancer clinic. Blood and urine tests, chest x-ray, and ultrasound of her one remaining kidney. All with a laser focus by the caregivers on finding any traces of the cancer.

First the good news. No cancer.

Then the bad news. Sereen has had a persistent low level of protein in her blood that the oncologists felt required us to see a kidney specialist, a nephrologist. To make a long story short, 4 weeks later, we had to admit Sereen to the hospital to deal with acute swelling, the effect of fluid having built up in her tissues due to the lack of protein. A kidney biopsy ensued on her one remaining kidney.

The results show definite early stage kidney disease. Moreover, there is a very high likelihood that the issue with this kidney, although not cancer, is caused by the same underlying condition that brought on the tumor over two years ago and thus may very well be resistant to any medicines. Does it mean we are on the road to needing to transplant the one kidney she still has? Very possible.

Devastating.

It took coaxing from my wife Asma to blog about this. Yes I had found chronicling our journey with her cancer two years ago therapeutic. Yes it helped to keep people up to date in a way that lowered the burden of us having to explain repeatedly. So compelling, the idea that one day when she is old enough to be able to read about what we went through.

Now though, it feels different. Pain, fatigue, a loss for words? All of the above? None of the above? Something else, something deeper?

Or maybe I should stop asking, stop thinking about it, and let it play itself out.

The Sereen Foundation delivers a new Wow Project to Hospital...

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 16:36:12 -0600

The Sereen Foundation delivers a new Wow Project to Hospital 57357 in Egypt. Colorful blankets and stuffed animals for the kids.

Last week I asked a Shaykh on what he would advise in terms of special prayers or invocations I should do to deal with the recent health problems of my little Sereen. His answer was immediate and without hesitation:

“Give charity in her name - charity is the shield”

We created the Sereen Foundation last year after Sereen’s successful battle with her cancer. Now that she faces another challenge, I pray that all the efforts of the Foundation be a shield for her.

So if you ask me “what can I do to help you in these trying times” - my answer is give charity, no matter how small (even a smile is charity) and do so with Sereen in mind.

"For all the value we put on plans and pursuits, what makes us who we are is often what we do with..."

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 12:05:32 -0600

“For all the value we put on plans and pursuits, what makes us who we are is often what we do with life’s surprises. Temptations don’t always point to what we really want, but often hint towards who we are trying to become. Maturity is not the ability to pursue or suppress them. It is the ability to take them seriously without always taking them literally.”

- Getting Stuck May Help You Grow by Gianpiero Petrigliero

So appropriate to read this at a time when I am dealing with one of those life surprises. I write this as I sit with my 4 year old daughter sleeping in my arms in a hospital room we have been in since last Friday.

Waiting for the results of a biopsy on her left kidney, praying for the best.

"To build a starship, you first have to build a future that converts fiction into fact, and that..."

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 11:26:45 -0600

“To build a starship, you first have to build a future that converts fiction into fact, and that takes a lot more than rocket science. The task isn’t figuring out right now how to design a starship; it’s continuing to build the civilization that will one day build a starship.”

- From a National Geographic article on space exploration.

Advice for any vision, dream we have. Build it one step at a time.

Speech I gave at the M.E.C.C.A mosque in Willowbrook Illinois on...

Sun, 13 Jan 2013 21:32:08 -0600

Speech I gave at the M.E.C.C.A mosque in Willowbrook Illinois on January 11th 2013 titled “Empathy (Or the Lack Thereof)”.

The topic covers the true meaning of ukhuwa or brotherhood and how in the Quran there are several types of brotherhood presented including the brotherhood of the tribe/nation. The question is then posed on why Muslims have fallen short in their attempts of acceptance in the greater American society and how one cause of this short fall is the lack of a true feeling of empathy and fraternity with their neighbors.

Had a couple of people tell me this was the best khutbah they have heard me give - I am not so sure about that. Either way appreciate the feedback.

"Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves,..."

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 16:19:59 -0600

“Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection ― or compassionate action.”

- —Daniel Goleman, from Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships

(via trentgilliss)

So well said

"If Harvard wishes to retain its primary existence as a gigantic profit-maximizing hedge fund, that..."

Fri, 07 Dec 2012 23:20:33 -0600

“If Harvard wishes to retain its primary existence as a gigantic profit-maximizing hedge fund, that is well and good, but meanwhile perhaps it should be required to provide a free top quality college education to a few thousand deserving students as a minor community service.”

- http://www.theamericanconservative.com/articles/paying-tuition-to-a-giant-hedge-fund/ (via cdixon)

"One old bone is as good as another for throwing to a dog, and the earth is as greedy for one corpse..."

Mon, 26 Nov 2012 22:53:38 -0600

“One old bone is as good as another for throwing to a dog, and the earth is as greedy for one corpse as it is for any other”

- Louis De Bernieres in his book Birds Without Wings, on how old age is the great equalizer to the range of beauty in youth.

Speech I gave at the Willowbrook Mosque on November 16th titled...

Tue, 20 Nov 2012 20:33:50 -0600

Speech I gave at the Willowbrook Mosque on November 16th titled “Fathers, We are Missing”.

I had been noodling on addressing this subject for a long time. With a teenager just starting high school myself, it has been made abundantly clear that the risk of direct exposure to drugs, “hook up” culture is all but assured.

As I talk more and more with other parents, another fact is becoming abundantly clear: fathers are not interjecting themselves early enough and getting involved effectively early, leaving mothers alone on the front lines. By the time the fathers do get involved, late, it leads to disastrous results.

I don’t pull any punches in this one.

Really proud to share the first “promo” video for...

Sun, 18 Nov 2012 21:02:00 -0600

Really proud to share the first “promo” video for the kids cancer Foundation my wife and I started in my daughter’s name. It’s the story of our own daughter’s battle with cancer and how it inspired us to bring “wow” to others

"In a massive Department of Education study, a child’s grades were more closely correlated to..."

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 21:35:22 -0600

“In a massive Department of Education study, a child’s grades were more closely correlated to how many times the dad showed up at a school event than any other factor. Children with involved fathers measure as having higher IQs by age three, higher self-esteem and in the case of daughters, grow up to be less promiscuous.”

- Author Hanna Rosin in her book “The End of Men and the Rise of Women”

When I read this it reminded me of a conversation I had once with a good friend who is a high school social worker. He told me that when girls reach adolescence, they seek male affirmation. The father’s natural inclination though is to back away from their daughters since they are no longer little girls and have become young women. But ironically my friend told me, fathers have to make a concerted effort to still show affection (including physical affection like hugs) and affirmation of their daughter’s beauty at this most unnatural time. If they don’t my friend told me, they will find another male who will.

One explanation why father involvement can translate into less promiscuity in a daughter.

"The real barrier for most of us is not external. It’s our own psychology: we overthink decisions,..."

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 09:28:45 -0600

“The real barrier for most of us is not external. It’s our own psychology: we overthink decisions, fear eventual failure, and prioritise near-term, visible rewards over long-range success.”

- Daniel Gulati, enterpreneur

Getting Them to Stop Hating Us

Mon, 05 Nov 2012 21:14:10 -0600

I was recently asked to write a short paragraph talking about building bridges between the United States and Egypt. Here is what I wrote:

As an Egyptian American, I am many times asked by my fellow Americans what I think can be done to improve what seems more often than not to be a contentious relationship between the two countries. My answer is very simple - find common causes that resonate with our shared humanity. And there are few causes I can think of that resonate as deeply with humans across race, nationality, class and creed than the sight of a child suffering from a life threatening disease like cancer. To bring a smile to that child’s face is the responsibility of every one of us and is why in creating the Sereen Foundation with my wife we hoped to not only bring “wow” to kids dealing with the challenge of cancer in Egypt but to also be a small step towards building important bridges of cooperation between the American and Egyptian people.